A comedy of errors!!!

I decided not to write about last night's visit with some dear friends to a pub and restaurant near here!!!!

Well I thought it was a bit sad in the end, but having chatted to Dive and had him in stitches he says please do write it!!!! so here I go..

Dive and Full will tell you I am not the world's best in education, although I do my best, and am always eager to learn........so hope not too many mistakes in the telling......

As I said some friends took me to a pub for a meal......It has been taken over a few times in the past years, a couple of us had been on a visit at a lunchtime where we had a rather bad meal, and I was rude enough to point out that the menu board had something called "EATEN MESS' on it, well as most of you know I was in the catering business, so kindly pointed out to the staff that Eton Mess was the name of the dish and it was named after the College, they did go and check!!!!and came back and said thank you...(now you see where Dive gets his pedant streak from).

But the friends who booked, and paid for my meal for which I thank them very much, I really love them.....and enjoy their company... thought they had been taken over again...

We arrived and they ordered drinks, in an aside I did say to A that remember when we last went there the barman could not add two drinks up in his head.......and there were 5 of us..

But we went through to the dining room as our meal was booked for 7pm.....A table for 5 had been booked, but I noticed when we got there they had just moved a table for 4 and one for 2 and pushed them together, not even taking the spare place setting off......

Apart from the smell of smoke and stale beer the dining room was very unclean, both M and I cleaned out cutlery on the thin paper napkin.....

We were given menus, which were sticky (a real turn off) oh yes and please remember I am not usually that picky but I had been in the trade for many years.....and there are many no no's which are not allowed.....

It was rather like the TV series Fawlty Towers... with a waitress who was either drunk or very ill!

For a start she kept muttering to herself and wandering back and forth with her pad.....

There was only another couple there at the time who came in after us, but who got served before us!!!!!

When she eventually asked what we wanted..... G and I had Scampi with new potatoes and peas, (Well after seeing the state of the place did not want to be ill)!! M ordered chicken in a stilton sauce with a baked potato and veg....... A wanted a steak medium to rare.. and B wanted a pasta dish..... by this time it was gone 7.30....

The meal for A arrived a steak done to a crisp with loads of chips onion rings and peas.......he asked if there was English mustard... which she plonked on the table in a flourish they were in wrappings ............a few minutes later she came back with M's chicken, well we think it was chicken, it could have been road kill.....I do hope M is OK this morning will have to ring her later....with a baked potato of a huge size with 2 butter pads still wrapped but floating in some kind of sauce which was supposed to be stilton........a side dish came later of overcooked cabbage which was roughly chopped with the stalk left in.. and some carrots and some of those peas which I will remark on later, if you are still bearing with me....

Then my meal arrived '5 scampi with some very dodgy new potatoes with the skins on and black bits in... tut tut......and some peas.....when she brought it she sort of held it over the table as she had forgotten who had ordered it, I said gently both G and I had ordered, so she popped it in front of me....went back in the kitchen and brought out the pasta dish, which looked like it had come straight out of the freezer pack, I will give B her due she said it was not too bad, but think she might just be more forgiving than me!!

By this time A had nearly managed to cut through his steak, and we had to start eating ours as it was nearly quarter to eight by this time....I gave G some of my scampi as his meal had not yet arrived, just as we had nearly finished our meals his arrived, with a mountain of onion rings as a side dish...we half expected to see Manuel dashing from the kitchen shrieking "Meester Fawlty, Meester Fawlty"

The alleged peas. Well I think they were tinned marrowfat peas in a previous life, only they had been boiled of any taste or colour, I actually had a few and I had to dispose of them back on my plate where as with all the others the peas went back to the kitchen (probably to reappear the following day).

By this time us and the couple at the next table were wondering whether we were on Candid Camera........

Then the real treat came when the dessert menu went up... a young lad who had obviously missed out on even my small amount of education gave the board where he had chalked on the delightful desserts for us.. the waitress was thrilled and proceeded to actually bring the board and place it on the spare chair at our table..

I really could not control myself, I know the others joined in but I was the ringleader, for which I do humbly apologize for.....

The dessert menu :- or what I can remember of it went
DESERT MENU

STICKY TOFFY PUDDING

PAVOLOVA

PUDDING WITH PASSION FRUIT

CHOCOLATE PIE
The last two spelt correctly but not good descriptions!!!and several more things which luckily I have forgotten, but directly I saw the toffy word I just erupted, and as we all were so over come G who had at last finished his meal told us a joke as the tears were rolling down our faces, and we were feeling very worried that we would upset the poor waitress.......

I had to ask that M turn the board around so I could not see it, can you imagine it sitting on our spare chair looking at me......

The poor waitress came to our table and asked if we wanted dessert, and I think it must have been B who recovered enough to say no thank you, but we wanted 3 coffees please......

At that time she left her pad and pencil on our table while she went to make the bill for the young couple up!!!!!they went with a cheery bye to us as we had had fun!!!!!!

Then the waitress spent a while looking for her pad. B again came to the rescue and held it up for her.....so she asked what we were having for sweet...... hmmmmm B once again said we had ordered 4 coffees 10 mins ago and we did not want sweets......

By this time two more couples arrived, I bet they thought they had walked into a mad house, as we were so curled up with laughter......before I mention about the coffee, when their meal arrived much later, the gentleman got up and went to the waitress to say the lady had ordered salmon, and it was not there, she came back with the plate and said "it was hidden under the chips".

Right if you are still with me, the coffee arrived, one cup at a time B's well it was full... G's you needed a ladder to get to it, and mine and A's were not too full either..

With the coffee came the packaged sugar and a biscuit of some strange taste.....and some cream, unfortunately I was laughing so much I opened the cream and poured it in,, taking a sip I suddenly realised it was UHT cream and it tasted foul... oh dear, more laughter, and a slight sick feeling.. we asked for the bill, as I said I felt awful as I was a guest and not paying, with the bill came four sweets, well we think that is what they were.... looked something like mints, which the waitress poked with her finger to get them apart as they had stuck.....well we could not hold back our tears......however we checked the bill well... and it was paid, A asked me if we should leave a tip, so I did say "I could rewrite the menu for them" but we decided to just slink out the door never to return.......

You can now see where Dive's long winded posts come from.....good job my boys love me. Well they may not after this ever want to go out with me again!!!!!